e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

I broke my record today! did two lecture notes instead of one! lol.. YaY!! finished the whole of brain.. now have to move onto the autonomic nervous system which is all of diana woods stuff which i ignored in year one.. its coming back to haunt me now!!

i haven't had a proper conversation with anyone today.. well, except the conversation between me and the computer! lol.. i have just been on MSN... the only conversation i had was between the lady at jacksons and the guy at subways! hasn't it been good!! lol.. i get the true taste of being alone in halls... the girls should see me now for being quiet and not talking to anyone!!

recently i have been getting complaints about my loud voice.. they don't like me speaking in lectures during break and they don't like me speaking in halls.. i was speaking to anisha in the kitchen on day and this girl goes Ssssshhh.... I was like ok.. it is the kitchen after all and a communal place.. i do have a right to speak there..

we were in the twins room and we didn't know she was sleeping and we were watching a movie.. halfway through the movie, she knocks on the door to say she is sleepign and if we could put it down. of course we put it down after dat and we felt guilty for disturbing her but we didn't know she was sleeping since she has some late nights anywaz.. next morning she says to me "i couldn't sleep last night. i was trying to put the pillow to cover my ears and i was wondering why are they so inconsiderate!" i mean seriously, you think i am inconsiderate, please tell it to my face!! don't tell me indirectly like dat. i was genuinely feeling guilty for watching dat movie but i had no idea dat she was going to sleep! i mean it was part of my fault to be there but don't make me feel so low by expressing your feelings like dat. i would have accepted it so much better if you had the decency to tell it to my face!! we found out after that the twins knew she was going to sleep! did she mention it to the twins dat they were being inconsiderate and she couldn't go to sleep ----> NO!! i just don't understand some people sometimes..

i know i am loud and i try my best to speak soft but you don't need to keep pointing it out or making hurtful comments!! i have my own limits as well.. its a good thing the hols are here and i can cool down and learn to keep my gob shut! its not nice to tell tales about other people but this was the same girl who brought guys into the block at 4 a.m waking everyone up!! they were in the kitchen and i heard them in my room and i live on the the second floor! you can imagine how loud they were!!!

I'm scared dat my patience level will decrease and i will snap at this girl. i am stuck with her till i graduate as well since she is going the same course as me.. its just dat how do you react to a girl who has been talking about you behind your back and you know all about it? i just find it hard to speak to her.. i want to confront her but thats not good cuz then i will affect her relationship with my source!

-Patience is the best option for the time being-

SubaG
10:53 pm

Don't you think i am beginning to sound like a miserable whiny girl! Lol.. well, few days into hols.. what have i been up to? Hmm.. nothing much i can think about.. Naz left for london today.. thats leaves me alone in my wing and my floor and well pretty much friendless in halls! Its so weird cuz i have no one to talk to and no one to respond to!! You just don't realise the little little things you take for granted.. usually she will shout something from outside her room or sometimes ill shout something to her and we can have coversations through the door till one of us gives up and opens the door! lol... i really appreciated she was her when the others left...

Reality is really hard to accept.. this is one of the times i realise dat i am alone and i have travelled 12 hours away to a foreign land to study!! usually i am surrounded by 1/12 girls and i still feel i have someone looking out for me.. I just am thankful dat i met so many girls here in halls dat make me feel at home..

I guess i have to blame myself.. i was the one who didn't want to go to london for the hols. i thought dat i will stay in halls and just revise.. well, two lectures notes into the hols, all i feel is loneliness and well watched hitch, what a woman wants and east is east...

I guess at the end of the day, is good practise for me because i won't be with the girls forever. they are all graduating next year and i won't be here to see them off since i will be in placement somewherelse...

i was touched by some of the guys.. they did invie me to their house to chill or revise or eat or whatever.. funny thing is i dunt even know him properly and dunt know where he lives! lol

Its so nice to see the smiles and the excitement when the girls are going home.. i so can't wait till i get to go back home and just be home.. somewhere i am familiar with, the sounds, the smell, the rain, the sun, even the dogs barking at 2 in the morning! lol... i miss the littlest of the little thing.. i dunt regret coming to bradford though.. i think it will be moulding me into a better person(i hope)!! i do know i have gained a lot of experiences and learnt a lot of new things but i wish it could be closer to home! lol..

Shelly W is coming on friday so it won't be so bad after all.. I can't wait!!! been waiting for this since forever!! lol.. just a shame she couldn't meet the girls and the girls were disappointed they couldn't meet her!! i keep going on about my partner in crime who is in warwick!! lol i am wondering what i can do and plan.. will see how but planning on going to salford quays on sunday.. thats the only thing planned actually.. dunno about the other days.. will just be going with the flow!!

Will be going into town tom.. need to do little missions and everything.. i hope to do some solid revision as well.. try and break my record and do more than one lecture handout! lol...

SubaG
11:16 pm

I'm just seeing the contrast between my blog and Ernest's blog... His blog is full of knowledge and it really makes you think and contemplate on how much you know! Look at my blog, it has pics and the story of 'Me'!! The thing is 'Me' is not even dat important when you consider other things in life!! My congrats to Ernest and i just want to tell you that i am behind you 100%!!!

What's a waste of time!? well, i was just thinking these couple of days and realised dat guys are a waste of time... I think i amthe biggest hypocrite as i keep mentioning guys and keep thinking of guys but girls have you thought about the hours we waste thinking about these guys?? i mean, if you are already taken and in a relationship its ok but single girls, have you thought about it?? Its really something you should be pondering and coming to terms with!!

i spend time thinking about ... or if i haven't seen a certain someone i will be wondering when is the next time i will be seeing him having my withdrawal symptoms.. lets not count the hours i am thinking of a certain someone, if i am not thinking of someone, i will be speaking about that certain someone! i mean i could probably have revised one of my modules when i put all dat time combined.. I mean its nice talking about the certain someone and also looking back at the special moments you two would have shared but think about it logically?? How long will dat make us happy girls? cuz then at the end of the day we just want more or we would feel sad when we don't get dat special treatment again..

- To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk disappointment. but risks must be taken because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. -

I agree but then when i think about it, why is it dat we girls end up dressing a certain way or making sure we look all nice and decent for the guy we like and in the end, he just looks at us at the same way he sees another girl or worst still if the guy just avoids and ignores us! Do you think guys speak about girls to their guy friends and tell them how nice a girllooked today or if we did anything funny? i don't think guys actually remember allt he small little little details dat we remember and laugh in the end...

I think its time i come to grips with it and appreciate the time i have! Not many people in this world is blesses like me and some people havent had the chance to see their 20th birthday. i think i should really be thankful for this and make full use of it! it will be very hard in the beginning as you all know me!! lol but self-control is my main driving factor and a motto in my life at the moment..

I'm really sorry if i offended anyone or if i sound a bit frustrated.. i learnt from stranger recently dat i get frustrated easily and i didn't even realise i do dat till now.... just thought something i would type instead of just pondering about it.. well i am off now to hopefully do soemthing productive instead of thinking of a certain someone!! lol -----> SELF CONTROL SUBA!!!!!

SubaG
4:38 pm

I heard from the hospital yesterday.. they rejected me.. oh well, i guess i didn't quite meet their requirement. i wonder what was their requirement actually.. they decided to take in a girl who got kicked out of lectures twice and who talks during lectures! Hmm... i dunno but i don't want to sound spiteful or jealous or anything... i am just happy for the guy and girl who got chosen. i hope they are very successful!!

I know that everything happens for a reason and that it will all be in my best interest but then still i had my hart and mind set for this hospital. i really wanted to work there. it was the biggest disappointment to me.. i guess rejection is always a big disappointment!!! i have been staring at something on my wall the whole of yesterday and yet i forget to practise what i preach!! i read something a while ago and it has been stuck in my head but i tend to forget about it quite often..

I know that god won't give me more truble than i can handle.... but i wish that he wouldn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa

well, i haven't been up to much.. its the fourth day of hols i have just been taking it easy.. it took me like three days to clean my room! Lol.. i think its quite clean now.. i think anywayz!! I haven't done any work but planning on getting some work done after this.. i have put a time limit on myself.. will be online till one o'clock and then i try and get at least three hours of work done!! lets see how that goes.. the clock has gone forward an hour now so i actually loose an hour sleep which is not good! Lol, all i feel like doing is sleeping!!

SubaG
12:04 pm

I seriously don't know how today could be worse!! Well, lests see... i woke up today morning with butterflies in my stomach. After that i prepared and revised for it just counting the hours.. i got ready in my suit and was all ready to go and face the interviewers!! i got ready extra early adn left halls at like 10 to 1 or something like that! i really was keen! i ended up waiting there for 30 mins!! Lol.. oh well, ijust was keeping my cool!

I went into the interview all calm and cool.. greeted them and put my handbag down on the floor and then gave them my nice smile and just thought everything was going to be ok. who knew i was going to be stuck on the second question!! i mean they had asked me why did i choose that particular hospital. i was giving them an advertisement on their hospital and the interviewer stopped me and asked me if i knew anything about the pharmaceutical aspect of the hospital and guess what i say ---> "honestly, i don't know anything about the pharmacy at the hospital"

Oh yeah and then they had to ask the most dreaded question ever they could have asked! they asked me what my three weaknesses were! i was like 3?! i told them that this was the most dreaded question i did not want to answer when i was preparing for this interview. i managed to tell them that i can't say no to people and also my second weakness is that i am a loud person.

well, the killer of my horrible interview was when he was asking me what do i agree with the current issues in pharmacy and stupid me confuses between supplementary prescribing and independent prescribing. i explained to him about how pharmacist are allowed to write prescriptions but then we need the GP signature and all dat but apparently as of april 2006 you don't need the GP signature. i just madea fool of myself by not knowing the full story and i pretended like i knew it!! then he was like why would we need to have the gp signature if the pharmacist knows it all?! I just didn't know what to answer to that!!

Oh yeah, i try to be a good person and i tell micheal who has the interview after me to give me a call if he wants to know what the inerview questions are. guess what that guy has the nerve to say "you give me a call and tell me what the interview questions are?!" i was like, hey i am not going to bother calling you at all! you want the stuff, you can call me.. he calls me today after my interview right and while i am telling him the questions, he is like, you are telling the truth isn't it?! I as like,i just felt like slappign him!! then he finishes the interview and then he comes into lectures and he steals my seat! i was sitting next to ikram and then he sits next to ikram and he says he wants to sit next to his friend and he makes me sit at the back!! then he kind of blamed me because i didn't give him the proper questions and didn't warn him enough! i mean, who does he think he is?! i already was prepared to help him!!! some people can't be helped and am never happy!

I know i wasn't going to mention mat but i just thought wat he said was funny! Mat was saying how i should have told micheal to fall off the cliff and hope he hits every sharp edge while he is on the way down!!

well, will know the outcome tom but i really hope mitesh gets the place there. he is the only one i know that deserves it. he really has done so much research for it and has properly prepared for the interview. even if i don't get the place and if mitesh gets it, i will be trully happy for him.

will knwo tom the outcome *fingers crossed*

SubaG
7:56 pm

well, 13 hours and counting till my interview ... How do i feel?? ----> nervous wreck. i don't know what to say.. i tried my best and have done all my research. whats meant to be is meant to be.. i just can't wait till 2 p.m. in the afternoon... i just hope all goes well.. *fingers crossed* my hands all shaking at the moment, i can't type properly..

13 hours and counting.... only thing i am looking forward to doing is putting my suit on and getting ready.. i know its quite sad!! lol..

SubaG
12:12 am

I'm having a coundown till my interview on Tuesday!! i am already panicking for my interview! i have butterflies in my stomach.. I just want Tuesday 1 30 to come... i got my suit already.. the girls were asking me how am i going to do my hair and will i put make up.. i dunno about it yet... i a still trying to see if i have enough clinical knowledge to get me through this interview.. *Sigh*

we went ice-skating today morning. we were meant to go yesterday, we did go but then there were a lot of white people there and they were looking at us quite oddly because we were the only asians there and apparently they were sayign some stuff towards us.. so we decided to go back home and then come back today morning.. it was a familysessions so it was just all small kids with their parents.. It was quite embaressing cuz he small kids could skate better than me!! Lol, i was just holding onto natasha and anisha in the beginning, i just did not trust myself but then at the end, i was like, i am sure i can do it and i actually went around the ice ring by myself!! Big achievement for me after the last attempt at ice-skating! Lol..

well, dat was pretty much the highlight for today and all i have been up to now is just trying to sort out my interview questions and preparing for it.. Hope it will be allright.. will be practising interview questions with mitesh tom.. i dunno if thats a very good thigns to do cuz we are both applying for the same position and like we are competitors but then harry poter shared information with the others too when he was competing! Lol.. wat a comparison for me to make! Suba is definately loosing it! Lol..

well, till tom with more whimes for me about my interview! Lol..i hope something interesting happens to me tom!! been quite bored with nothing interesting going on...

SubaG
12:41 am

well, today has been quite a boring day actually.. Hmm, i was busy but then it was quite boring.. Nothing extra special happened. Well, i did buy my suit today for the interview! it was expensive!! it was my two day job salary to buy that suit! Sakit hati.. well, i skipped two lectures today and went into town.. i slept in my body control lecture... he was so boring and i actually went to sleep when he started explaining a slide and woke up and found dat he was still on the same slide! he is really slow and he takes time to explain everything but he explains too much and keeps repearing himself.. what have i learnt in that lecture? hmm.. i dunno but i know he was using the word hypertyroidism a lot!!

oh yeah i forgot to say what happened to me yesterday.. well, after livingstones, the girls wanted a takeaway so we went with gadget and the 1st years to dixy to have some chicken and chips at 3.30 in the morning! gosh, well we were all sitting down and minding out business when this one handed homeless man comes and sits down in the middle of out circle and just sits down with his bottle of alcohol.. we already found dat creepy!! Little matthew decides to ask natasha to ask the homeless man if he would like some chips.. there was a big piece of chicken in the box she was having with the chips and she hands it to the man and asks him if he would like some chips and he grabs the chicken from the box and starts tucking it in!! That was freaky!! we were all just quite stunned and just decided to just leave the place... walked back home in the cold! it was so cold lastnight!! its still cold, it was snowing today in the morning..

i guess thats the highlight of my day.. nothing else actually... going to go and sleep now.. oh i started on my interview questions.. i know what clinical governance means finally.. well, i think i do.. i have to write it down on paper before i forget! Lol..

SubaG
11:15 pm

Well, i finally was able to upload the photos onto the blog! Yay!! Lemme give the description of each photo!!

The picture is Meena, Natasha --> they're twins by the way, Matthew and Gadget.
Gadget and Whiskey ---> i still don't really know their proper names but whiskey is like my younger brother and calls me his big Sis!! can you imagine a big rubgy player calling me his big SiS?
The crew at livingstones right at the beginning which is why the dance-floor is empty! it was suppossed to be Grease night
The three girls at Chi the cocktail lounge sipping our cocktails.. meena and her margarita and sarah and natasha with *** in the beach, quite alcoholic!! we didn't get the cocktails in the posh glass though.. got it in a normal glassyou get softdrinks with! sarah and meena were trying to finish my cocktail since i dun't drink a lot, i was so scared i was going to get tipsy or something so i just drank like two sips!
The menu of Chi, think its quite classy... maybe the place will improve with time.. they juse opened the place.

SubaG
1:12 pm

Well, today has been quite an eventful day.. what have i been up to?? Hmm... well, i couldn't sleep for long cuz some people decided to come and check the electrical sockets in halls so i had to wake up to open the door.. then got ready and went for my BAPS meeting.. well, had a few disagreements as usual but we also came to some conclusions---> surprisingly! Lol..

i came back home and thought i can get a start with the interview questions but me and my big mouth.. was speaking to some of the girls and i went on and on and on.. Lol, i think my word for next week has to be Quietness.. i am startign this thign where i have the word for the week and i have to try and achieve it.. i hope it works and makes me a better person actually!! Where was i before i started going into a tangent again! Lol, oh yeah i came back home and had a short nap before going to omars for a curry! i was starving, all i had the whole day was a muiller corner crunch yogurt! i was so hungry i just ate everything!!

Bought some mini eggs on the way back from omars. i am just addicted to them. they are just so wonderful dat you feel happy instantly!! 2 for £1.60 as well!! i slept a bit more when i came back.. lol, i just love my sleep!!! then i got ready and left for Chi! i brought my camera out! Yay, i have photos! Lol...

I am so stupid, i tried to upload the photos but it wouldn't want to upload! how much more computer illiterate can i get?! I can't even spell that word!! oh well, its 3.40 in the morning as well.. i'll try again tom morning and hopefully it will work!!

went round to livingstones and was with gadget and crew as usual.. we all happened to have brought out cameras so it was a night filled with just taking photos while dancing.. it wasn't so bad actually today, i guess cuz we went into livingstones late so it didn't seem so long.. i can't believe its the second time in a row i am going to sleep at 4!! whats going to happen to me!!

I was able to get a photo of meena and keith as well today!! aww, its so sweet, meena is so happy she was able to get a photo with keith! its so cute when someone likes someone!! i hope to use my skills and get those two together soon! Lol, miss doing that.. bringing two people together.. As for me, i have decided today dat i am off all guys. i mean i only will think of guys as my friends and nothing more.. the more i think about a guy the more i get hurt.. I made a promise to myself dat i will not cry over another guy after the 'sathish incident' but i am scared i am gonna get emotional over a certain someone. i think the best thing for me is to just stay away from all guys.. There is no hope for me. I think the best way to stay happy is just be alone.. i mean, i am a independent person who is hopefully going into a good job as well.. that's more than what i want and i can have fun at the same time.. i am very blessed to have so many good friends around me all the time anywayz! thinking about a guy will only add more stress onto my already stressed life!! Hopefully putting my thoughts into words will have a better effect for me.. i know i will be having withdrawal symptoms in the beginning but hey, everything is hard in life!!

too sleepy, going to sleep! Goodmorning and sweet dreams!!

SubaG
3:25 am

Wednesday today! Hate Wednesdays now.. Its either i have a BAPS meeting or that i have to go and do presentation on smoke free homes! I miss my wednesdays when i can just chill, stay in my room and go and play badminton in the afternoon!! Thats fun!!

Really need to manage my time.. i haven't even prepared for my interview yet and its in 7 days.. i really need to find out the defination of clinical governance... have no idea what dat is!! Gosh, i have buterflies in my stomach already! Apparently i am still part of the netbal team even if my beloved team does not want to inform me about any practise they have! i mean whats the whole point of my going to sheffield in the end! i was meant to go out shopping and buy my suit.. i will have to do it on friday now... I hope i get a really decent suit.. Oh my god, just had anoher panic attack about my interview!! Aaahhh!!!!

Body control coursework is due in today... Stayed up till 4 in the library doing it! Gosh, I should never try and work in the main computer centre, too many people are there in the night... Of all days gadget decides to come and return my notes yesterday night at the computer centre! Yesterday was the first time i actually had a proper conversation with him.. usually its justa hi-bye sort of thing... quite an interesting character actually! Lol.. I have no idea what my coursework is about.. We had to recommend to a GP about an oral anti-diabetic drug.. gosh, i don't understand why a GP cannot just look at a BNF and look at all the indications, the side effects and cost and think for themselves if they should prescribe the drug or not!! why come to a pharmacist! we have enough on our plate as it is!! I really dunno what kind of coursework this is.. i can't even pronounce half the words.. the drug is pioglitazone and they belong to a class called thiazolidinediones. i wonder who comes up with all these name!

i dun't even want to think how my day today is going to be... got a baps meeting.. i really wonder how we are going to carrry on with baps. n one can actually get along with each other.. we are all so different to each other but at the same time we are all perfect for the role!! going to omars at 5.. At least i have a couple of hours after my meeting and before omars.. will probably get some interview work done.. i have no idea why is 'guys' hospital so good. i probaby have to go and check it out in the website... Getting the calculations result today.. i dunt want to get it, too nerve-wrecking! i didn't knwo anything in the beginning, i was like is this calculations! then when i calmed down i kind of was doing something and was gettign somewhere close to the answer.. Question is ---> Is the answer correct? Good thing its only a mock calculations.. i failed it last year...

Note to Self--> should not sit next to Mat during an exams.. he gets to fidgety and he hums a bit and he yawns a lot making you feel sleepy!!! i actually copied one of the answers from him cuz i had no idea how to do it and had no wish on trying to do it so i jsut copied his one.. thats the only one i didn't know anyways.. have to prepare for th calculations during the hols.. the exams after we come back in week eleven and we have a mock dispensing exam as well.. dunno how i am going to do that.. there are too many rules surrounding a control drug!

well, going to go and have a nice shower, hope the water is nice and warm!! the hot water here is so useless!

SubaG
11:15 am

Its been snowing again! Lol.. I woke up yesterday morning and was going to the kitchen when i saw everything around was white!! there was heavy snow yesterday! i was so shocked... it was a very nice surprise in the morning!! I wa sjust waiting to go out and play with the snow the whole day.. it was so nice.. i spent the whole of yesterday cleaning my room!! it took me so so long to just clean my room and my room is really tiny as well!!

i managed to make it look decent at least.. not really clean clean but its looking decent!! i seriously dunno what am i going to do when i have my house with more than one room! Lol, i'd have to have lots of storage and places to hide things!!

I had some snowball fights with the girls in block in the evening.. it was fun! fauzial can really run cuz she kept throwing snowballs at us and running away and we couldn't catch up to her but i got her in the end, right at her head! Lol, i had a big achievement!! i hope my cold doesn't get worse from playing in the snow yesterday.. i just kept sliding and falling in the snow.. gosh, very messy... i worre jeans as well which wasn't a good idea actually cuz everything is stained with mud!! will have to give it a good wash later on...

Got so much work to do and i dunno where to start ---> have to do my Body Control coursework which is due on wednesday and i have to type up my BAPS minutes and send out an agenda and then i have to go out shopping to buy a suit and i have PP2 practical tom which i am dreading.. i always dread it a week in advance but it gets ok when im actually in the practical, i guess cuz it drags on for a whole three hours and we never get to finish early with dat practical..

oh had pharmacognosy practical today.. dat was fun, we had to do experiments with cannabis! Lol, there were people selling weed outside our halls last year and i still don't know the smell of weed.. Apparently i could have smelt weed today during the practical but i couldn't smell anything.. i think cuz of my block nose so i have to wait to smell it again! Lol... i know i'm weird!!

Got a mock calculations test tom... haven't even revised for it! i can't believe i have left it till so lats minute, not another thing to add onto my list!! I better write all these things down before i forget and panic in the end!! *Aaahhhh*

Well, going to go and have a short nap now so i won't fall asleep in lectures.. have mc'curry today..

SubaG
11:49 am

My main aim for today was to wake up at noon time or after.. i just knew that would not happen! i got up at 8 something in the morning and then when i did force myself to sleep again, guess who rings me? ---> Sathish!! i was wondering what in the world would dat guy want with me at dat time in the morning.. well, i called him back and he had no reply and then half an hour later he calls my room phone and then said dat he just simply called.. i was like yeah... I dunno if he knows or not but its been exactly a year today since i confessed to him and told him that i liked him and he had to just reject me!!!

well, then i just ended up on the phone after that to family members and everyone... i actually started typing my blog in the morning but then i got distracted and ended leaving it... i thought i will watch some of the movies that the girls left for me to watch during the weekend. all the girls have gone back for the weekend.. i thought i will actually make use of this but then with my sleep deprivation and everything, i just did nothing today.... i watched 3/4 of 'Friday' and i just felt sleepy and ended up sleeping. i didn't realise i went to sleep and then i just woke up at 6.30!!! i thought it was 6.30 on a Sunday morning, i think if it was up to me, i would have just slept till sunday morning but then i realised it was still a saturday evening... woke up with a bad mood as i usually am when i realised i just wasted all my free time like that!! well, i just have to blame myself for all this!

i don't even want to think of what i did yesterday!! I did my first mentoring job yesterday! it was fun minus the part i had to be at richmond for 8.45 a.m.! i could do dat on normal days but then i just couldn't be bothered to be there so early in the morning!! well, ended up going there and then waiting for 4 kids to come in a bus... it was quite intimidating for me actually cuz i expected small kids to come down the bus and not kids as tall as me!! but at least they turned out to be a nice bunch of kids.. me and Naz were in charge of nine students.. At least i had Naz with me so it wasn't fun. we did like a true/false quiz with them... they didn't open up or was interested in it... they were just sitting around and saying yes or no.. then we moved on to IMAX and watched a 3D movie on cyberworld or something like that.. it was ok, not too bad... then walked them back to the university and showed them around the campus and everywhere... they were quite bored wit that and were just waiting to go for lunch.. Lunch was so bad, the fish was oily and we didn't ave time to have a proper lunch... we had to hurry for an afternoon workshop... the workshop was fun.. we had to build paper airplanes and the grou dat did the most and were able to fly them a certain distance wins... My team won!! Yay! did nothing though but Yay!! Lol.. Oh yeah i kept cutting and handing them cellotape!

It was cute looking at the kids cuz i think one of the girls in the group liked the boy in the group and she was doing things and looking at him and fluttering her eyes..... Awwww..... it was so cute!! She kept praising him and being his right hand. I was paying attn to her and the guy than actually doing the work!! Ha ha ha ha.... I wonder if i was like that when i was her age.... i wonder if i am like that at this age as well!!! Lol..

I don't know why girls get so involved emotinally and physically when they like guys! i mean whats the point on girls wasting their time on how they look or how to react just to get the guys attention? whats the point when the guy doesn't even feel tat way or worse ever when the guy doesn't even know you exist. I think tats the worst feeling ever. I hope that girl does meet her Mr. Right and is happy!!! I am just putting my chapter of liking guys to a pause. I am so fed up feeling the same thing all the time and ending up in disappointment... liking a guy is always interesting and the whole emotion when you see the guy you like but at the end of the day it always ends up in disappointment.... i think i really have to learn from this one year with confessing to sathish. God always works in mysterious ways. there is a lesson behind everything that happens to us. Sometimes we don't even know why it happens to us and we feel really hurt but then it all gets explained to us at the end of the day. Thats the beauty behind it..

well, what else has happened? Hmm... i went to check the night out at leeds last night.. it was really good. the place was two storeys and they had two dance floors.. it was like a proper place and nothing like livingstones at all.. the music was good as well and they played belly dancer! Lol.. i was so dead last night, I was on my feet they whole day yesterday so o was tired and just wanted to sleep but the girls always want to stay till the end so i was just waiting for time to fly.. we left about 2 3o in the morning and arrived here about 3 00.. then the girls wanted a takeaway so we got our ships and walked back home in the cold..

went to sleep at 4 after all dat exhaustion and guess who decides on calling me up out of the blue in the morning? well, my dear sathish!! why did he call, you ask me?? I have no idea!! Lol..

Well i have been writing a bit too much about a certain someone in my blogs.. i was thinking to myself i have to stop mentioning dat someone.. the word for me is Personal/ Self Control.. i was thinking to myself what have i achieved in this one year since the whole sathish thing occured but then i couldn't really put it in words... i don't think much has changed and dat is quite disappointing! i think i shoud be a better person and much improved but i don't think i have achieved dat. i hope i have finally realised dat now and will work towards it this year at least and i will see for my 2nd year anniversary! Lol..

going to go and sleep now and wake up early for some work hopefully...

SubaG
12:08 pm

I'm still suffering from my cold and cough.. i hope i get well by tom, going on a night out to leeds tom.. i hope i feel better and up for it.. i don't want to end up feeling tired and sleepy. you just can't enjoy yourself to maxx....

well, got to know a few things about me again! i love hearing all these things.. well, firstly, apparently i like two new people and i should add them to my list. according to jay, he has already found me a husband which is ikram. then according to Sarah i like michael now and should add him to my "list" of guys... i don't understand this concept at all! This is he 21st century if i am not mistaken. guys and girls mix with eachother and speak to each other. it wasn't even me who was making the conversation, He was just fooling around and was speaking to me during the break.. Grimsey finished his lectures half an hour earlier....

Usman hasn't been sitting with us during lectures and we were all wondering why has he been sitting further away. got the answer today as well.. apparently he can't stand my talking... i dunno what he means by that... i dunt even think i am talking in lectures.. i thought i paid attention and only spoke the odd one or two comments! i know i speak a lot when we are on break or something.. i always sit next to borin people anywayz. i never say much when i sit next to meena or sarah and am always sandwiched next to fiza as well and i dunno what to speak to her about... i know i always used to speak to matt during lectures when he used to come but its been months since matt last turned up to a lect.. i know when matt used to come and sit next to me.. we used to talk a lot and usman used to say stuff... i guess you just don't realise certain things when you think you are right.. i guess i just have to be more alert and careful now.... so fed up, i don't want to see any of these people.. why can't they just be more direct and tell me straight... i understand why usman is not saying anythign to me.. he really comes out harsh and will just say what he thinks so i know i will get hurt if i get told off by usman....

my start of the day was not good in the beginning.. we had practical classes.. as usual, i did no work and we just was messing around.. then the ecg machine was not working so we thought we could go back home cuz technically we had done a bit of the work.. we were leaving the lab when dr.javid stopped us and she asked me in front of half the practical group where i was going. i had to say i was going back home because i finished everything. then she was like everything and i was like, yeah i finished everything except for the ECG machine as it was not working. then she made a big fuss whether i did complete everything and i said yes and then she said she will test me and asked me to give her an example of a calcium channel blocker and thank god i just knew the answer and was able to say veramapil!! i will never forget this question! it will be embedded in my mind. she asked me next wat the mechanism of action is and i just simply said at i had not taken it down and she was saying how i need to know it and thank god the technician came in at that time to fix the blood pressure machine! i was quite proud of myself actually dat i was just able to answer that questiong at the tip of my head!! i did pay atention to certain bits i guess! Lol.... i have never been on the spot like this before.. i think the last time i had a lecturer encounter was the first week of college when my handphone rang in biology class and Ms. Koh was angry at me...

i was laughing at myself.. matt says dat i can't lie to save my life but i actually did save myself today! Lol.. surprisingly enough i saw him at L floor after we finished out practicals... went out with him and the guys from there.. It was quite different cuz i have never been out to eat with the guys.. they are just being silly guys as usuals and talking about their normal stuff and wat they are up too... you wonder how sometimes things happen when you least expect it!! i didn't even think i would see him today.. poor thing is sick as well and went to sleep after lunch...

i went to bombay stores today and was looking at all the asean dresses... it was so smart and all the guys suits.. woweee..... you can so imagine a guy wearing those suits and looking so so so so smart!! Woweee.... lol.. we girls were just imagining it.. had salmon and mushroom and some of naz's pasta for dinner.. had a good inner i think! Lol... finally did my washing which i have been puting off since monday!! i know its that bad! finally i got it all done and i have clean clothes! Lol.... i always tell the girls, i have no clothes when i wear certain clothes.. its just cuz of the stupid weather... i can't wear any of my short sleeves out cuz of my cold and the cold weather.. just waiting for the weather to warm up a bit!!

actually i better get to sleep now.... been chatting away and i have to wake up early tommorrow.
Goodnight and Sweet dreams

P/S Sorry Cl, will mail you later on... feel sleepy! Thanks for your mail!! :)

SubaG
11:54 pm

I've got the cold and cough!! So unfair, everyone else played in the snow as well but i end up getting sick!! Well, Newton did say that every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction hey! i realise sometimes that if i laugh really hard i do end up crying a little too! Lol....

well, its been a busy past few days for me despite the cold.. the only thing i am doign right is going to sleep by 11 and drinking lots of fluids! feel so depressed when you are in this state, all you want to do is just lie in bed and lie there.. lol..

Played Cranium on tuesday! now, dat was fun!! Its such a weird game though... really hard to understand the rules... merium was the only one who actually understood the rules!! itw as a good game and teh company was really good.. nidhi, saba and the malay girls came.. i was like a mini J block reunion.. eventhough we have fun this year, nothing can beat the time we had in first year together.. i guess cuz it was the first year! Lol... and we clicked on with a lot more people.. i dunt think we really click on with our housemats now but at least the remainign J blockers are able to stay together..

well, yesterday i had to introduce ourselfs as BAPS to the first year students... gosh, they are so disrespectful... we were introdusing who we were and they were all too busy chitchatting and getting ready to leave... that was a total waste of time.. because of them, i missed sarah and john so i had to take a different taxi to my smoke free homes presentation. the presentations were no really bad.. had to do the first presentation in front of one class.. they were quite good and interactive... then we had to do the second presentation to two classes at one go.. that was a bit intimidating... it went allright, was telling them how smoking is bad for them and how we should tell the people around us not to smoke and how harmful it is to the health.. well finished those presentations and had to walk into town to get some necessities..in between matt decides to call me and say that he had booked a badminton court for two hours and the guys were not planning on going and they were giving it to the girls!! i was like, hmm.. thanks but thats the one time we were all busy as well..

went for a half hour menoring training... going tobe mentoring some year 10's on friday.. should be interesting, got a free ticket to go to IMAX and get paid for the whole day as well!!! wat an incentive, you get the satisfaction of helping kids and hopefully motivating them in some ways and at the same time, the uni wants to pay you! lol... i hope the cold goes by tom, i don't want to be sniffling and coughing in front of them..

well, im off... need to go and have my shower before going off to practicals.. meena is coming to our practicals today.. should be intreresting, we 4 have never been in a practical together.. its fun in our practical group.. all we do is sit and pretend to do stuff and then copy the results off someone.. lol, good to have a bit of contacts here and there so that you can copy off them! Lol..

Have a nice day!!! :)

SubaG
8:27 am

LATEST NEWS -----> FOUR STUDENTS FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF BRADFORD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR SUSPECTED TERRORISM AND BEING HELD IN LONDON.

Bradford is always famous for the wrong reasons! first it was the shooting of the policewoman and now this.. gosh, why does it always happen here.. this incident happened on friday at 11 30 at night and we only came to know about it today in the afternoon. how bad is it. i dunno what is worst, the part where the uni not telling us about the suspected terrorist or the part where one of the suspects actually stayed at the halls behind me!! Hmm...

i was chatting wit gadget online and he stays in the block next to where two of the terrorist were caught.. he was saying that they found ready made bombs and that they were going to set it off at various places in the uni and halls. i dunno how true this story is but yeah...

Obie was interviewed on tv and he was being so blur.. he just said he didn't know anything about it as he was from leeds. Lol.. Just waiting now to see how things go. i am just very surprised at the university that they didn't say anythign about this matter and keeping it very hush hush..

oh well, at the end of the day if it was meant to happen, it will happen. We just have to be extra alerted and be careful where we go.. i don't understand why do they want to bomb a place like bradford where half the population is asian.. Will just have to wait and hear for the latest news flash!!

Had a free day today.. finally cleaned my room.. Its not really clean but at the same time its so much better den how it was this morning.. will take me time to clear everything off.. Its so good dat I don't have any practicals this week except for thursday. meena might be joining our practical group this week.. it will be good, thursday's practicals are alwasy fun cuz we do nothign and just talk and gossip and copy the answers off something.. gosh, i sound so much like a dosser but at least i pay attention during lectures unlike them!!

have got the cold and cough!! can't even go to sleep properly.. end up coughing and blowing my nose.. i hope i get better soon! i guess it was the playing in the snow and going out at night!!

well dats about it.. i have to start with PP2 homework which is due tom! It should be ok..

SubaG
9:02 pm

well, its 3 45 in the morning and what am doing in front of a computer! shouldn't i be asleep! I mean a sane person would be all tucked in bed and n dreamland.... i think its all shelly W's influence... i'm a bit addicted to this at the moment yet at the same time i think i feel better when i write down what i feel and the stuff i do so dat i can reflect back on it.... if it makes sense! Lol....

The birthday party was fun!! it was a different environment and not the usual livingstones crowd or music or people... it was not bad.. basically there were quite a lot of pharmacy people and some pharmacy people had even surprised me tonight!!! its like a split personality...

smoked shisha again for the third time and seriously,this was the first time i actually enjoyed the shisha! Lol.. it was a mixture of mint and apple and it tasted really fresh! i didn't think i would ever ever say this but it was actually quite enjoyable! Lol.. there was a fight in the club, this guy was actually punching a girl until she was bleeding! i never ever have seen a guy take a punch at the girl, Matt had to pull the guy down and he was saying dat the guy's knuckles were so red after beating the girl! Seriously bradford is filled with all the wannabee, punk guys who have no sense what so ever!! its quite sad actually.. lol...

Well, thats about it... the night was just filled with dancing, shisha and water! Lol.. walked back in the cold... luckily i had my jacket on!! i think i am getting sick with the whole exposure to the cold.. i hope i dunt get sick, hate the feeling and the whole pain!! *fingers crossed* i will magically get cured tonight by sleeping! Lol...

Goodmorning and Have a nice day!!

SubaG
3:42 am

Its the weekend already! Yay!! lol.. i have officially done no work this week!! i can't believe myself! i was meant to be doing some work at least! i dunno what i have been up to but have done no work!!
it was snowing yesterday!! It was a nice sunny day when we went into lectures.. 3 hours later when we walked out, the ground was filled with snow and the whole place was so white!! it felt like you were walking on white carpet.. lol.. i was so excited, i have been wishing for it to snow for such a long time!!! last year it snowed but it didn't snow as much.. i have to say i wasn't wearing the right shoes for it at all.. my shoes got wet and my feet were wet too... i was walking down to matt's place yesterday to give him his notes and i made such a big snowball cuz i wanted to chuck it at him but i ended up throwing it outside instead.. the girl inside wouldn't let me in cuz i had the snowball in my hand.. matt's place was so nice and warm, i just took my shoes off and let them dry a little and kept my hands and feet nice and warm near the radiator.. i waited there for a bit for my shoes to dry off a bit and ended up talking to him for about three hours!! he was playing on his play station and i was just sitting around chit chatting, we ended up talking about Oprah to the last season of FRIENDS to who in the pharmacy course likes who..

I missed out on some of the fun cuz the pharmacy girls decided to wear garbage bags and slide down the hill opposite the library.... then they built a snowman outside the halls as well.. i missed it but then anisha was up for it again so we ended up putting garbage bags over our jeans.. the garbage bag looks so much like an overgrown nappy and we were slidding down the amphitheatre hill.. it was quite fun but painful at the same time.. lol... it was quite good cuz it was about 9 something at night.. there was no one around cuz i think everyone was getting ready to go out on a friday night to FND.. me an riz teamed against naz and nishie and we were throwing snowballs against each other.. the other two were cheating cuz they just picked up all the round hard ones and started throwing it at us!! it was a good night though..

felt so hungry in the end, we ended up ordering pizza and collecting it.. we watched bride and prejudice again!!! i was so good to see darcy again! we were all fighting over darcy and was claiming dat he was out husband but then the actualy truth is dat darcy asked me to marry him ages ago but i declined the offer! Lol.. his eyes are so so so mesmerising!!!

i finally got to practise to play netball today!! after the countless times they failed to ring me up, i finally was given early notice to play netball.. i am the reserve for wing defender of wing attacker.. not sure which position but yeah.. you can't really have a proper game cuz we don't have dat many players.. it was quite good and it really woke me up in the morning, all the running but i think i just put on what i burned cuz i just ate so many cadbury mini eggs! they are just so so so nice and tempting! i can just eat the packet on its own!! Yum Yum..

well, its one of the girls 21st birthday and she is having her birthday party at a shisha bar so going there... should be interesting i think..... lets see what happens...

SubaG
7:20 pm

Wowee, its already thursday well moving onto friday already!! Lol..

Time just has passed by and i dunno where it went! its been two weeks now since i haven't donw any work. i dunno what happened to my read work for two hours everyay talk.. i seriously shouldn't be saying things but instead do the actions instead!!

well i was so glad yesterday was over.. had the worst BAPS meeting ever.. we had a guy from natwest sit in to one of our meeting.. worst part is my dear president did not even inform the fellow exec dat we are gonna have the manager during our meeting... he basically messed up my agenda and minutes! i am gonna give him a piece of my min during the next meeting.. i thought of getting refreshments and brought some juices for the meeting.. i didn't have any plastic cups so i went to jacksons to get some but to my surprise they don't sell any plastic cups!! It does not make sense at all! How can a last minute shop not have essentials like that! so we didn't have much to offer him in the end.. i think the meeting was really childish and we did not seem proffessional at all.. i'm glad it was over though.. i am going to have the time of my life trying to sort out and type up the minutes thanks to my beloved president!

Playd badminton after dat.. its quite good to play badminton at least once a week but then my muscles are aching.. i dunno why though cuz i am quite used to playing badminton already.. can't say i am good or anythign like that.. it was good playing yesterday.. played doubles as usual. the guys never like us girls to play with them cuz they think they are the best! mat and i played meena and ashab. we won though.. ashab is the hardest person to partner with.. he is just so dominating on the court and wants to hit all the time... poor meena.. Mat's bald and well i was running for the shuttlecock and so was he, i hit the shuttlecock and hit mat's bald head at the same guy! poor guy didn't realise wat had hit him.. he had a red line on the top of his head yesterday! Good thing it wasn't bleeding or anythign like dat! Lol...

Come to think of it, yesterday was a busy day... cuz after i played badminton, i had a short nap and had a shower and met heena for dinner.. went to try this restaurant called omar khans.. seemed like a nice play and we had some privacy as well for dinner.. then she dragged me along to her aunts place.. it was her uncle's b'day.. her uncle just turned 23... saw him at a garba in november and he seemed like a nice guy.. didn't get a chance to speak to him when we were at the garba.. she brought me to his house the last time to meet him but then he was working.. so yesterday we took a taxi to his house and went to visit him.. couldn't really say much or anythign like dat.. his parents were sitting there.. we just made a bit of small talk.. he seems likea nice guy.. he dropped us back home after dat as well.. i can't believe him.. he has got a master in some degree i can't ven say but i know its got something to do with aeroplanes.. now he wants to open up a juice bar apparently! Gosh, the things people want to do but i guess at the end of the day you don't look at salary but you look at what you really want to do..

went out to livingstones yesterday night.. it was a beach party theme so they had sand all over the dancefloor and they had big beach balls around as well.. some idiot had hrew the beach ball on my face so i ended up having sand all over my hair and my ears and my face! not a nice feeling at all!! sam was really really really drunk, he acts like a small kid when he is so drunka nd all you want to do is just laugh and laugh and laugh! Lol... Not many people were out last night.. usually half the people from pharmacy will be there..

it was a good thing i had nothign today morning, i could just have a nice lie in till 11. lol, i haven't slept till this late since, i have no idea.. can't remember, i just keep getting up early.. oh eyah i remember i slept till 11 or 12 when i was at warwick visiting shell..

had boring 3 hour lectures as usual.. no fun in lectures anymore... usually i will be sitting and gossiping but there is not fun in it already.. a certain somebody doesn't come into lectures anymore.. oh well, i guess its an opportunity for me to pay attention, yeah right! Lol... oh well but i seriously have to get some solid work done.. hopefully over the weekend, *fingers crossed*

watched the movie shaun of the dead in rizzie's room just now... not impressed at all.. dunno why i even bothered wasting my time with it.. tom, hopefully we can go to the movies and watch big momma's house2.. apparently its a comedy.. must go and check it out.. well, its way passed my bestime.. better get going to sleep before i have problems waking up! Lol, whats new i wonder!!

SubaG
6:48 pm