I sometimes wonder why we are so attached to our family members. Blood is thicker than water. Most of the arguments and misunderstandings happen between family members than our friends. i wonder if we are more tolerable with our friends than with our family. I am really scared with my patience. I think i might be loosing my patience as i am growing older.. I gues its cuz more responsibilities are pilled on me as the years are increasing. I was quite proud of myself for handling it so far. I used to be proud of my family. i just realised i had chosen the word ''used to' all my family members were understanding and everyone was doign things for everyone with no expectations. everything seems to be changing. i have aunts gossiping about other aunts and i have family members who are angry wit each other. i seem to be the dumping ground for most of them. they tell me their thoughts. i don't mind dat. i like to listen to peoples thoughts and see if i can help out or not. Its gets hard at certain points and i am sure god is testing me at every point. I guess dats why i want to stay at a bit of distant wit the family so dat i won't get involved with the politics. You notice the difference when one member of the family is gone.., people have changed, sometimes take things for granted. i just pray t god we will get back to the same family we once were when i was a child. we were filled with smiles and happiness and not ego, jealousy and hatred. i hope my aunt gets married soon cuz i think a family celebration is all we need to improve situation!!!
SubaG
4:42 pm
Feeling so sleepy!! Been awake watching two movies! lol.. then ended up chattin for a while. Had to wake up early to finish all my packing. i take so long to pack. i guess i want things to be where they should be and not just everywhere but i still take my time wit it! I was having weird dreams yesterday but i think its cuz i didn't have enough sleep and i don't really like sleeping in this room. im on the last floor and i think i a the only one in this floor. i was always wondering if i can rent an apartment and live alone but i guess i can. i rather be staying in an apartment alone dan with a lot more people. its not dat i want to be a loner or anti-friendly but i like to do things my way and have it my way. i can't wait till i get to have my own place and live independently. Waiting for my uncle to come and pick me up.. could have had a short nap in this time and im so hungry! don't have food hea as well! 10 days are gone by. spoke to my parents today. im going home! Yay!! :) but i better not get too excited. the last time i couldn't go back home when i got happy i was going back. im jus gonna take a step back and see if i make it onto a plane!Well, gonna be an interesting wkend in bradford wit family. bradford has actually grown on me and i think its a nice place to stay. its nice to stay on campus cuz everything is just walking distance and everything is quite compact. i like it when im back. gonna be back in 2 and a half week *fingers crossed*
SubaG
10:57 am
Time flies but this is one of my favourite phrases. i just love to mention dat time flies!! it does indeed. i finished sitting for my resit. I have no comments about it.. I have sat for it and i guess i have tried my best. nothing else i can say. I really want to do pharmacy. i love doing what i am going to do. i think this is one job dat really fits me!! i hope i can continue through to the course.. This 11 days are really going to be nerve-wrecking. So many things have happened this hols. I have grown quite a bit i can say. Miss working in the pharmacy actually. been working there for the last two months, its a part of my daily routine. Everything happens for a reason and it works out for yout best interest! i keep saying it actually.. i'll be going to brunei next weekend! can't wait!! Its been over a year since I've been back home. Only god knows how i have been feeling these two months. I have to be so thankful to him to give me so much strength to overcome my obstacles. there were times when i just broke down in the tube or in the bus. i don't know what was going on with me at dat time. im booked to leave london on the 10th and arriving london on the 24th. its gonna be the best 14 days, hopefully *fingers crossed* Lubna is getting married next week.. she is going to me a married woman in less dan a year.. i don't knoow how she is going to be. its such a big step. i know the guy is right for her and everything. she is more dan ready for this marriage but it surely has made me thinking about my own life. i know i should be concentrating on my studies and my career but there is more to life dan work. I have never got to experience the other part of life yet. i mean i have felt dat speacial happiness when a guy pays attn to you but i have not been able to find dat 'bond' with a guy.. There are times when i feel like i am capable of doing everything by myself and i don't need anyone by myside.. There are sometimes when i feel i just want someone who is just there. there are times when you can say anything to your girl friends and they will always be there for you. I realised dat spending 10 mins wit dat special someone can really brighten up my day. I guess its one of those things dat cannot really be explained. i think i have been influenced by two of movies i just finished watching. i finished watching she's the man and the perfect man just now. it was a nice combination of movies. i just wanted to be by myself and watch some movies. i wanted to watch an asian movie. will be nice to just watch a three hour movie! lol.. there wasn't anything good though.. Well, its 1 30 in the morning, i should be sleeping actually and i thought i will blog a bit.. i got a feeling i keep repeating myself but i think i will return back to my original self when i know wats gonna happen to me and whether i will be able to go through to third year.
SubaG
1:06 am
